Foster carer stories

Former office worker Michelle has swapped her daily commute for the school run and juggling meetings for children’s parties and outings.

After 40 years in administration she’s changed careers to become a full time foster carer and says it’s the best decision she ever made.

“I had a break and then started looking around for something else to do. I wanted a new challenge” said Michelle who lives in Worsley.

“I’d never done fostering before but I started with short term fostering as part of a team so that helped me learn a lot at my own pace and suited me very well. I wish I’d had the support and training you get as a foster carer when I became a mum!

“Now I’m caring for a nine year old and it’s great. I’ve also made friends with other foster carers and that really helps as you get ideas from each other on how to handle different situations you’ve never come across before. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Salford City Council provides full training, financial and other support.

Anyone with space in their home, who enjoys being with children and young people can be considered. Call 0161 799 1268 or email family.recruitment@salford.gov.uk. 

“As much as it’s changed his life, it’s changed mine too.”

That’s the view of foster carer Alison who has had Simon living with her since he was six years old.

Now 16, settled, happy and doing well at school, Simon says simply that Alison gave him a future he never thought he could have.

“My birth mum couldn’t look after me very well. If she couldn’t get to the shops there was sometimes very little food in the house and I had to get myself up and off to school,” said Simon.

“When I came to Alison’s it was totally different. She looked after me and I could just enjoy being a child again. I could go out and play with friends or kick a football round in the garden and we’d have film nights with DVD’s and popcorn. I started doing well at school and now I want to go on to university – I never thought that would be possible.

“Alison has always helped me keep in touch with my birth mum which was really important to me. Now I’ve got two mums who are both really proud of me – that’s something really special.”

Alison has fostered dozens of children over the years – and many still keep in touch.

“Children come into foster care for many different reasons – sometimes it’s temporary to help their family get back on their feet” she says.

“Dealing with challenges has made me more confident and I get regular training so I’m always learning new things. I’m part of a big network of other foster carers so I’ve also made good friends. I’d recommend it to anyone!”  

Mum of two Michelle, who began fostering a year ago, says it’s amazing to see how the two children she’s currently caring for have progressed since they came to live with her.

“It was fantastic going to parents’ evening and hearing lots of praise and good feedback thanks to all the support they are getting from the school and us,” she said.

“Plus, all the professionals involved with them, from their GP to social worker, say they can see how well they’re doing. It’s so rewarding.”

Michelle and her husband David decided to foster after their youngest son left home.

“We decided we wanted to help children and the training, with case studies of real children, made us even more determined,” she said.

“We’ve chosen short term fostering so we can help as many children as possible. It’s been challenging but I’ve loved it so much I’ve been trying to encourage all my friends to join me.” 

The first thing you learn about Focus fostering is that every child is different, says Focus foster carer Sally*.

Some are so grateful to be in a supportive, caring environment that they settle quickly and bond with their foster carers even though they still need the additional care that Focus fostering provides.

Others are so traumatised by their past experiences that they initially reject any help, and, as Sally and her family have found, it takes time, patience and a skilled team of social workers to overcome that.

“Some children find it difficult to trust adults due to their previous experiences. Anne* didn’t trust anyone and any care or nurturing we tried to give at first frightened her so she backed off. She felt she wasn’t worth looking after,” said Sally who became a foster carer when her own children left home.

“At first she wouldn’t even let me near enough to help her brush her hair. Her behaviour was challenging and we relied heavily on all the support we received from the Focus fostering team which reassured us we were doing the right things and to keep trying with Anne.

“Things have slowly changed and she has made great progress. We have learnt such a lot together over the past few years.  Now she hugs me, though she still struggles to tell us how she feels. It’s been a huge challenge but Anne is worth it and she will always be part of our family.”

Computer whizz James* has many, many  things to thank his foster mum Anne* for during the ten years they’ve been together.  

But one of the biggest ones is helping him get a good education which has set him up for a much brighter and better future than he expected.  

“When I first came to Anne’s I couldn’t stand school,” said James. 

“I’d missed loads of days but soon as I came to Anne’s I didn’t miss a single one. I wouldn’t even have finished high school without her, let alone be getting distinctions in college and planning to go to university. I didn’t have the best start in life and she changed everything, emotionally and educationally for me. 

“I didn’t take school seriously enough but as soon as I got to college it clicked. It was hard at first but now it’s easier and I’m planning to study computing at university – somewhere local so I can stay at home. It just shows if you get your head down you can do well.” 

Anne, an experienced foster carer, says she’s extremely proud of James and his achievements.  

“He was having a lot of trouble trying to deal with everything, particularly school,” she said. 

“You just have to turn it round with patience, dedication and taking the long-term view. It can’t be done overnight. He has worked hard and has done really well and I’m very proud of him.”

Becoming a foster carer doesn’t happen overnight but for Jenny and John it was well worth the wait. 

Seven months after they first applied, they were approved and ready to take their first child. 

Jenny and her partner John decided to specialise in caring for children with learning difficulties and/or physical disabilities. 

They chose the Focus scheme, run by Salford City Council, and say it’s been both hard work and hugely rewarding. 

“We started off with a six week induction, one evening a week for two hours, chatting with social workers and even children who came in to talk about their experience of foster care,” said Jenny who gave up work to become a full time foster carer. 

“After that we were assigned a family support worker and they carry out an assessment on you and your family. They look at everything from your childhood and how you were brought up to how you and your family live now. It’s intense, but they can’t just place a vulnerable child in your care without going into depth with you.” 

Once the assessment was complete, all the information goes before a fostering panel made up of people with extensive experience of working with children and experienced foster carers. Panel approval means you’re ready to go as a foster carer – but that’s not the end of the training and support. 

Caring for children with complex needs means Jenny sees her social worker frequently and has team 24/7 support on call. She also undertakes extra training on specific mental and physical conditions top of the general programme of courses on behaviour, education and caring for children. 

“It was a big decision but I’m so happy I did it. I love it,” said Jenny.

Foster carer Jim has swapped trade for toys and says he couldn’t be happier. 

The dad of three spent 35 years building up loyal customers who would wait months for space in his busy schedule. 

In 2013 he followed his heart and his wife’s advice to work with children and became a foster carer for Salford City Council. 

And now he’s a full time, stay at home dad juggling playtime, school runs and paperwork while his wife works full time. 

“My life is properly worthwhile now. I had fabulous customers but never enjoyed it. It was hard with just the radio for company,” said Jim. 

“Now I’m up from 5am and it’s hectic family life till my wife comes home and does bedtime while I do the housework and fostering paperwork. I love the foster care training and meetings too. 

“I will be heartbroken when they move on but as long as it’s right for them. 

“I’d say think long and hard and go into it for the right reasons but the rewards are absolutely incredible.”

After 20 years of raising children Salford dad Joe thought he’d relish the peace and quiet when they went to university. 

But after a few of weeks of coming home to an empty house, he realised he missed the sound of children and the life they brought. 

So, he and his wife dusted off an old ambition to foster children – and say it’s one of the best decisions they ever made.  

“There was never a time when there wasn’t a child in the house – either our children or their friends. I thought I couldn’t wait for the peace and quiet when ours went to university but I didn’t like it at all,” said Joe.

“I’d come home and fall asleep. I thought I’m too young for this nonsense!” 

Joe and his wife were accepted as short term foster carers but switched to providing long term care for the five year old placed with them. 

“Now I’m going back to school fairs and plays and parent teacher evenings. I remember going to those 20 years ago so life has come full circle but it has been a very positive experience,” said Joe. 

“Our two are now in their 20s so they help out, particularly in the summer holidays. I wouldn’t change it for the world and my life is so much more interesting. I’d recommend it to anyone else whose children have flown the nest.”

Mum of three Mary always thought her first year in fostering would mean caring for a baby or child with special needs. 

But when she was offered the chance to foster a nine year old boy, she and her family decided age didn’t matter – and say it’s one of the best decisions they ever made. 

“Sam* fitted in really well right from the start which was good. Everyone in the family adored him and he made new friends very quickly in this new area,” said Mary who took Sam in on a long-term placement. He will now stay with her until he reaches adulthood. 

“But there were challenges and the first year was all about building trust and respect and getting him into a routine. Sam never showed his emotions at first to protect himself – we had to let him know it was okay to cry if something went wrong.  

“The support we had – and still have – is absolutely brilliant. We can phone our social worker or his social worker any time and I go to foster carers’ forums where I can talk to other carers. 

“Now he’s a typical child, claiming he doesn’t have homework when he does because he wants to go out to play, exploring his world and trying things out – like the day he took a tap apart to see how it worked! 

“I’d never thought about fostering older children but it really does help them and it’s so rewarding. Sam’s doing really well at school and I can see he has changed so much. I’m hoping he will go on to do well in life.”