It is normal to have disagreements with your partner and argue from time to time.
However if you are intentionally causing your partner harm and your actions are motivated by extreme feelings of anger and jealously, that’s not healthy. Confidential help is available.
Safe in Salford runs a number of behaviour change programmes to help you change the way you respond to certain circumstances. You won’t be judged and it’s all confidential.
If you are a man who has relationships with women, you can attend group sessions with other men. It can be helpful to talk to others in similar situations and receive positive reinforcement for committing to changing your behaviour.
If you are a woman or identify as LGBTQIA+, you can attend one-to-one sessions with a specialist practitioner.
The behaviour change programmes can be delivered in-person or online, depending on availability. You will have an initial consultation with a practitioner to discuss your reason for attending. If you are joining a group, you will still attend some one-to-one sessions first.
During your sessions, you will work with your practitioner through topics such as respect and negotiation, non-violent behaviour, intimacy and trust, and sexual respect. Your practitioner is never there to judge; their aim is to help you change how you respond to certain circumstances.
Programmes that include group work usually last around 40 weeks. People working one-to-one tend to need between 15 and 20 sessions.
If you currently have a partner, or you have ex-partners who have been affected by your behaviour, they will be offered free support.
Most people who completed a programme found that it helped them control anger and think before acting in a way that could harm their partner.
S was referred to the programme by a social worker because of the verbal and emotional abuse and drug and alcohol misuse in his on-off relationship.
S shared that his ex-partner had introduced him to drugs and blamed her for making him into someone he didn’t want to be. He said she was responsible for his abusive behaviour and the course his life had taken.
He was reluctant to talk about his relationship because it hurt, but he opened up more and more as he built a relationship with the practitioner.
Over the ten week programme S gradually began to accept that his behaviour was a choice and he took responsibility for the choices he made.
“At the beginning it was just a tick box for me. I did not understand what was going on and how I was ever going to use these strategies outside the group. It’s surreal but you begin to use the strategies subconsciously. It becomes a mindset. It’s helped tremendously.”
“It’s given me a lot more insight into things I did in the past. It’s helped me know how to put things right. I always felt supported by the group and I was free to be open without judgement.”
“I have changed my way of thinking. In the past, I had more negative thoughts that caused me to behave unhealthily. Now, I have more positive stuff in my mind. Looking forward to when I get back into a relationship.”
Visit Safe in Salford or call 0161 872 1100 to speak to an advisor.
Respect Phoneline offers information and advice to men and women in heterosexual or same-sex relationships who want to stop their violent behaviour.
Call: 0808 802 4040 (free from landlines and most mobiles) Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and 2pm to 5pm)
Email: info@respectphoneline.org.uk