Is this love?

Calling you names and telling you that you can't do anything right?

Trying to keep you away from your family or friends?

Hitting or hurting you?

Does your boyfriend or girlfriend...

• Tell you what to wear, where to go or what to spend your money on?
• Try to make you do things you don't want to do, such as drinking too much or taking drugs?
• Think being drunk makes it okay to be nasty to you?
• Say sorry for being nasty then do it again?
• Get very jealous or angry?
• Shove, grab, scratch, pinch, hit, kick you or hold you down?
• Threaten to hurt you or force you to have sex?

None of these things are loving, sexy or romantic. They are warning signs that the relationship isn't right and could become more dangerous.

You could end up losing your self confidence and sense of identity, being threatened and scared or even being seriously hurt.

This is dating abuse. Almost all types of domestic abuse are against the law. Being forced to have sex is a crime - even in a relationship it's still rape.

Get advice

If you're in this situation, there's lots you can do:

• Tell your parents or a relative.
• Ask friends you trust for advice.
• Make some space for yourself and have a break from seeing the person. Spend some time with your family and friends.
• Talk to professionals, such as a teacher, college tutor, youth worker, doctor, nurse, counsellor or Connexions advisor.
• Get medical help, especially if you have been hurt, are drinking too much, taking drugs or are being forced to have sex.
• Keep yourself safe and plan what you will do if the abuser becomes dangerous, such as always having your phone with you or limiting your drinking.
• If you really fear for your safety, talk to the police. They have special domestic abuse officers who can help you.

Need help?

In an emergency call 999.

Remember

• You have the right to healthy and safe relationships.
• You deserve respect. Do not put up with abuse.
• Just because someone is drunk or on drugs doesn't mean they can get away with abusing you.
• Be aware of the risks of having your drink spiked.
• Don't be forced to have sex. If you don't want to, say 'no'.
• Being angry doesn't give someone the right to hurt you.
• You're not alone. This happens to a lot of young people.
• You have not done anything wrong.
• You are not responsible for how your partner behaves.

This page was last updated on 24 June 2011